Why Do Doctors Still Get Menopause So Wrong?

Have you ever felt like you’re slowly disappearing? That was me at 54 — still having periods, occasionally experiencing those infamous hot flashes, but mostly just feeling like I was watching my life through a clouded window.

I had just moved to Mallorca in Spain, living what should have been my dream life under the Mediterranean sun. Instead, I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. Everything made me cry — TV commercials, small disappointments, even kind gestures. I was a shadow of my usual self, and it affected every aspect of my life, from work to relationships.

That’s what led me to my first appointment with a gynecologist in Palma. I went in full of hope, armed with my symptoms and ready for answers. What followed was a perfect example of how the medical system often fails women in perimenopause. After more visits with blood tests and a mammogram, the doctor declared my hormones “normal” and — since I wasn’t experiencing hot flashes at that moment — decided HRT wouldn’t help. Instead, he handed me a psychologist’s contact details.

That’s when the tears started flowing — right there in his office. His reaction was telling: he practically lunged for his prescription pad, scrawling out a prescription for progesterone as if it were a peace offering. No guidance on dosage, no discussion of timing, no mention of potential side effects. He just wanted the crying woman out of his office. It was a moment that perfectly captured the gap in medical education about menopause — a complex life transition reduced to a hastily written prescription and a swift goodbye.

The progesterone did help, I immediately started feeling better and my depression faded away. But the real turning point came a few months later when I found a doctor who specialized in menopause and hormonal health. He took time to explain my options and, most importantly, listened to my experiences rather than just looking at test results.

I learned something crucial during this journey: in perimenopause, symptoms matter more than blood test results. Many gynecologists still struggle with outdated beliefs about estrogen being dangerous, clinging to the idea that HRT should only be used as a last resort and for the shortest time possible. But there’s no scientific basis for this fear. Reading “Estrogen Matters” by Avrum Bluming and Carol Tavris opened my eyes to how HRT can actually improve women’s wellbeing and potentially lengthen their lives.

Now I take both estrogen and progesterone daily, and the transformation has been remarkable. My periods have stopped — hallelujah! I sleep through the night, the brain fog has lifted, and I feel like my old cheery, optimistic self again. Actually, I feel better than I did in my forties.

My days now include long walks with my dog under the Spanish sun, regular yoga and Pilates sessions, and enough rest to feel restored. My vitamin D levels are excellent, I love my work, and most importantly, I feel content and happy.

My energy isn’t what it was in my thirties or early forties, but I’ve made peace with that. The same goes for the extra weight I’ve gained. What matters more is how I feel: strong, clear-headed, and genuinely happy.

Life in your fifties doesn’t have to be a slow descent into fatigue and brain fog. It took some trial and error, some self-advocacy, and yes, a few tears in a gynecologist’s office. But on the other side of that journey, I found a version of myself who feels more vibrant and alive than ever.

If you’re struggling with similar symptoms, know that you don’t have to accept feeling unlike yourself as the new normal. There are options, there are doctors who will listen (even if you have to search for them), and there is hope for feeling like yourself again.

Life is good in my fifties — really good. And that’s worth fighting for.